Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
