Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
