There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize