This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She told me I should be a condom model.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
