the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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