Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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