So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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