Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
