I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
