I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
