someone threw a dead crab at me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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