i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
