I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
