So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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