she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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