and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
