finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
