you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
