He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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