You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He felt like a one man threesome
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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