Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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