Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
