It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
