So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
