The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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