the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
