The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i was born a porn star she said
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
