So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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