I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize