"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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