can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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