She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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