We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We were destined to go to rehab together
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize