glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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