So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
