Farmville is her only friend.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're a waste of cheezeits
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
