Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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