why didn't you poke me back
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
