He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
