Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
