The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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