They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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