shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize