dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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