He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
