I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
