I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
