you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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