I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
