so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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