I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
