he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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