you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize