yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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