It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
