He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Someone came in the potted fern
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
