The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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