we made out on top of his cat.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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