we're blogging at a bar
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
