Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize