Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm both gender and math confused
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize