waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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