ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
