i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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