You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
