two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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